So last night Paul and I watched one of the documentaries, Red Without Blue. I first heard about this film when reading Abigal Pogrebin's book One and the Same, a wonderful book on the relationships between twins. So I was excited to find a copy of the documentary.
When I watched it, though, it broke my heart. In so many ways. The story line is about the relationship between two identical twins, but one (Claire) is transgender. It was painful to watch because they love each other so much and are so close, yet are both hurting and struggling to find their own identities that are separate from their twinship. At one point Mark says to Claire, "I do remember just feeling like you were kind of cutting this cord we had. This twinship. This identical identity".
I think that in some ways this struggle to separate the identities is unique to identical twins, rather than fraternal. Still, I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart when I imagined my boys finding that much sorrow in their brotherhood. As I'm sure any mother of twins would. You imagine your twins growing up the best of friends, always having one another to hold them up when things get rough. You don't want to think that they might hurt one another in their relationship or cause each other pain.
- Friends come and go, but your brothers - your family - that's forever.
- Respect each other.
- Be kind to one another.
- Don't break trust. It is so hard to fully regain.
- You will fight. It's going to happen. But remember, even when angry, to be fair. Don't say things that you will regret later on. Think first.
- If you share with him, he will be more likely to share back.
- When brothers agree, no fortress is so strong as their common life - Antisthenes
Edited to add: today I'm the featured blogger at Multiples and More blog, so you can go read my interview here. And if you're stopping by from there, hi! :-)