I always imagined myself (if I imagined having kids at all, which I didn't typically) with a daughter. When my grandmother passed on jewelry to me, I couldn't help imagining passing it on to a future little girl. I devoted many a free moment in my adolescence and early adulthood writing in journals, and always in the back of my mind I knew I'd pass them on to a daughter.
When I became pregnant for the first time, I was just sure it would be a girl. After all, I was the first born in my family, and the first born in Paul's family had been a girl as well.
When I found out at the 20 week ultrasound that we were pregnant with a boy, I did have a fleeting moment of disappointment, but by 16 weeks I'd actually kind of already realized I was pregnant with a boy (all those eggs I felt compelled to eat - it just had to be a boy!)
And when Pierce was born I just loved having a little boy. Sure, girl clothes and names are cuter, but I love playing trains and Diego. And it's not like pink is my favorite color.
Fast forward a couple of years to my pregnancy with the twins. Now, surely, I thought one of them would be a girl. Or maybe both. After all, the pregnancy from the beginning just seemed so much easier and different than my pregnancy with Pierce had been. So at a routine 16 week ultrasound to check heartbeats (my doctor did an ultrasound every visit, because he didn't trust the dopplar with twins) I asked Dr. Harding to peek at the sex. He found the first one no problem. A boy! I held out hope as he rotated the dopplar to zoom in on twin B. Another boy! Yes, another second or two of disappointment, but overall I was okay. I had a boy, I loved my boy, I knew boys! I could handle boys!
Paul and I aren't planning on having any more children. As he so eloquently puts it, once you start popping out two babies at once you get done having kids really fast. And I am so thankful to not have any more pregnancy in my future. Done with that!
My three boys are perfect and I adore them. We zoom cars and run in circles and have dinosaur fights. I can't imagine my life any other way. I read this article sent to me by my friend Ginger about these women who went into huge depressions over having had boys, women who actually said they wished they hadn't had them, that they only wanted girls. When I read it, I felt such tremendous sorrow for those little boys. To be unwanted over such a selfish, stupid thing. Can you imagine?
I'm at a point where I feel like our family is complete, just the way it is. My boys and I have many adventures in front of us...adventures that don't involve much pink. But hey, maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will take to horses. If not, I'm okay with that too (just please please please don't like soccer boys - hello, sooooo boring). Mentally, I have let go of the wispy image of a daughter. I have waved goodby to the mini-me idea, and I've made my peace with the lack of pink in my house.
Just one thing though. Do you think its too much to demand my two brothers present me with nieces?