Wednesday, February 2, 2011

On a Life Without Pink - No Girls Allowed

I always imagined myself (if I imagined having kids at all, which I didn't typically) with a daughter.  When my grandmother passed on jewelry to me, I couldn't help imagining passing it on to a future little girl.  I devoted many a free moment in my adolescence and early adulthood writing in journals, and always in the back of my mind I knew I'd pass them on to a daughter.

When I became pregnant for the first time, I was just sure it would be a girl.  After all, I was the first born in my family, and the first born in Paul's family had been a girl as well.
When I found out at the 20 week ultrasound that we were pregnant with a boy, I did have a fleeting moment of disappointment, but by 16 weeks I'd actually kind of already realized I was pregnant with a boy (all those eggs I felt compelled to eat - it just had to be a boy!)

And when Pierce was born I just loved having a little boy.  Sure, girl clothes and names are cuter, but I love playing trains and Diego.  And it's not like pink is my favorite color. 

Fast forward a couple of years to my pregnancy with the twins.  Now, surely, I thought one of them would be a girl.  Or maybe both.  After all, the pregnancy from the beginning just seemed so much easier and different than my pregnancy with Pierce had been.  So at a routine 16 week ultrasound to check heartbeats (my doctor did an ultrasound every visit, because he didn't trust the dopplar with twins) I asked Dr. Harding to peek at the sex.  He found the first one no problem.  A boy!  I held out hope as he rotated the dopplar to zoom in on twin B.  Another boy!  Yes, another second or two of disappointment, but overall I was okay.  I had a boy, I loved my boy, I knew boys!  I could handle boys! 

Paul and I aren't planning on having any more children.  As he so eloquently puts it, once you start popping out two babies at once you get done having kids really fast.  And I am so thankful to not have any more pregnancy in my future.  Done with that! 

My three boys are perfect and I adore them.  We zoom cars and run in circles and have dinosaur fights.  I can't imagine my life any other way.  I read this article sent to me by my friend Ginger about these women who went into huge depressions over having had boys, women who actually said they wished they hadn't had them, that they only wanted girls.  When I read it, I felt such tremendous sorrow for those little boys.  To be unwanted over such a selfish, stupid thing.  Can you imagine?

I'm at a point where I feel like our family is complete, just the way it is.  My boys and I have many adventures in front of us...adventures that don't involve much pink.  But hey, maybe I'll get lucky and one of them will take to horses.  If not, I'm okay with that too (just please please please don't like soccer boys - hello, sooooo boring).  Mentally, I have let go of the wispy image of a daughter.  I have waved goodby to the mini-me idea, and I've made my peace with the lack of pink in my house.

Just one thing though.  Do you think its too much to demand my two brothers present me with nieces? 

26 comments:

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I have one niece. It is fun to buy her the girl stuff. I am so glad I get to dig in the dirt and play in a salt mine with JDaniel.

Steve Surratt said...

Cindy and Mark have 3 boys too. Hum, must be something about running at exactly 5:30pm on Monday's and Wednesday's :-)

Home In The Hollow said...

You are so fortunate to have all those men in your life...all sizes and shapes!...:)JP

Nancy said...

I had two boys myself and since I'm such a tomboy, it was a perfect fit for me. :)

singedwingangel said...

I too have 3 boys, I too wanted a girl in the worst way.. is it any consolation that they were all too pretty to be boys.Everyone would swear they were girl as babies and young children because of their long ringlets and long eyelashes. I too am done having kids. However my nieces and nephews have been kind enough to donate great nieces who are all girly girl and think Aunt Angel hung the moon.

Lauren said...

I'll send Helen up to Camp Lisa one summer so you can get the full girl experience. ;)

Texan said...

When we got married I told my DH I want six boys! He said he would do his best LOL...I would have been happy with girls too :O). But being a tomboy myself I felt I would know more what to do with a boy LOL. As life worked out we were not able to have those six boys or any children.

I cannot believe a woman or man would actually say they wished they had not had their child due to its sex? I say to them, be grateful beyond belief for what ever child you were able to have!

Mercy me what a sad selfish statement for any parent to make!

Mere said...

Little boys are wonderful, and while I too would be delighted to have all boys...i will try really hard to give you that neice! :-)

Jo said...

You are blessed!...
Love the new bloggy-look, too!
~Jo
LazyonLoblolly

VandyJ said...

I have two little boys and I am so happy with them. Girls can be a bit scary--especially when they get older. Perfectly happy with my boys and the lack of pink.

texwisgirl said...

Hey, if not nieces to gift those jewels to, then surely at least one lucky daughter-in-law someday. :) And maybe a granddaughter too!

Nicole said...

I didn't like pink until I had Maddie. lol
I always dreamed of having a little boy, not really sure why but part was wanting to keep hubby's last name going. I was a little disappointed to when I found out but that didn't last long. I am so happy with the girl I got and she is already such a tomboy that it gives me that boy fix I needed! lol
I also pray that she doesn't like soccer! I think it is so boring too!!
Great post and your boys are just adorable and just what you were meant to have! ;)

Angela said...

I had a girl first and then a boy. My husband and I didn't care what we had we just wanted them. I will say that my husband loved his girl but when we found out by mistake that we were having a boy my husband was just glowing! I will say that girls vs boys is way different. I do know several people that have wanted boys so bad that they kept having kids until they got one! They have 2 girls and 1 boy and one I think had 3 girls before they got their boy. I think it's crazy! By the way one of those couples is divorced now!

Have a Great Day!
Angela

Mary said...

That article you read sounds so sad! I can't believe a mom would feel that way about their child. We actually wanted a boy and thought we were having one! We even started calling her by the boy name we picked out. Then at 20 weeks we saw she was a girl. Now I can't imagine it any other way. We still would LOVE a boy. But Hailey is so fun that I can't even feel a tiny bit of disapointment.

I think your brothers having girls would be perfect! Then you get a little girly time but can always go back to your boys. :)

Chatty Crone said...

My daughter is like you - always wanated a daughter but she does adore her son. I do too. And we have a boy dog. Another grandson that is 3 months old! And hubby. Daughter and I are the two gals now.

I can tell you ADORE your 4 boys.


sandie

laughwithusblog said...

I have had similar thought about places like China where people, literally at times, throw their babies out if they are girls. Children are a blessing, no matter the gender!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Ah, this is why I am silly in love with my 2 little neighbor girls. They give me the fix I need!

Sandy said...

How could one possibly say they wish they had not had a child because of it's sex. I am just in awe over that! Also, I want your crockpot mac & cheese recipe...I am always looking for new recipes ;)

RunMonkeyMama said...

Don't expect your brothers to provide neices, it certainly didn't work for DH's family. Despite their pleas, my boys are grandsons number 5 and 6, with no pink in sight. And I wouldn't have it any other way. <3

Erin said...

So funny, Lisa! As you know, I have twin girls, and my brother and SIL have a daughter as well (who happens to be about 6 weeks younger than my daughters). So I would actually love someone to have a little boy for me to love on!
;-)

Myya said...

That is funny, I always envisioned myself having all boys... look where that took me :) I'm not for sure we are done, but I can't imagine our family any other way. I also had those seconds of oh really it isn't a boy moments but that is all they were moments. Those mothers should be ashamed!!! Healthy happy kiddos should be the #1 thing!!!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

First of all, OMG, I LOVE LOVE the new look! It's fabulous! I clicked over and was like, WHA? Where have I been!

Second, I can get that. I'm sorry that you had any sense of loss at all, but I totally understand what you're saying. And you've got three beautiful boys to take that out of your mind. And hey, if you ever need a dose of pink, I'll send you my mini-me (who most people say is more like her dad, anyway) and you'll be ready to get rid of it.

Like how she suddenly re-found this wonderful toy phone someone sent us. Yesterday. And I have heard nothing but Dora for the last, oh, 12-15 hours, maybe? Smooches. ;)

Anonymous said...

Gosh Lisa - I love reading everything you write. This really hit home for me - with my first pregnancy I really wanted a boy. With my pregnancy now I did have a glimmer of hope that it might be a girl and have found out we are having another little boy. After having two babies that didn't make it past the 8th week of pregnancy....I feel blessed to have the little boy that continues to grow inside of me. I was always a tomboy growing up and look forward to a lot of years playing rough and tumble with my two boys and being thankful for them every second of every day. Gloria

there's just one mommy said...

Enjoy your boys - I've always heard girls are for the Daddies and boys are really for the Mom... I know I love both of mine (one of each), but I have to say, my boy is much more cuddly with me...
I found you on the Mom Loop Friday Comment Follow on Blog Frog...

Victoria KP said...

I am the mother of just boys as well--and planning on staying that way. People asked me after my second son was born if we were going to "try for a girl"? Um, no... how would we do THAT exactly??? I'm pretty sure if I got pg again it would be end up being twin boys :-).

amygrew said...

I never fathomed the thought of having a boy. I had 2 girls already and thought I was destined for 3, but I got a little boy. I was upset after the ultrasound but got over it. I am so happy to have my little boy around.

I would definitly demand a niece though too :)

I am visiting from The Red Dress Club.