Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Suicidal Lemmings and Diaper Changes

I had successfully blocked out of my memory forgotten that at some point babies develop free will.  And all of the sudden, your compliant, agreeable, smiley baby decides that :

NO YOU WILL NOT CHANGE MY DIAPER.  END OF STORY.

Uh huh.  The twins have hit that day.  They've hit it HARD.

Now diaper changes involved devious planning.  I grab the diaper ahead of time, open all the tabs, have it out and ready.  Wipes open?  Check. 

Proceed to place happy baby on changing table pad.  Toys strategically placed for maximum distraction.  All systems a-go, right?

WRONG

For this is the moment that madness sets in.  That cute little happy baby?  GONE.  Back arches.  Crying insues.  Tears.  Flinging.  Kicking.  This small little rigid yet fighting body is like the suicidal lemmings, trying to throw itself off the changing table to escape the diaper change.  Desperation. 

Meanwhile, I practice my wrestling moves while hoping I can contain all diaper nastiness in time.  Because, you know, in my daily life I prefer to not sink my hand into poop, pick poop off the floor, or clean poop off the side of the wall.  That's just me.  So I try to pin down a corner of the child while I make herculean efforts to diaper as.quickly.as.possible.  No easy feat on fighting, angry, suicidal baby.  Seriously, are they injecting steroids into bananas these days?  How can this wily less-than-20-pounder be so strong?  They're doing push ups in their jails cribs during naptime, aren't they? 

If I could hit the translate button on the screaming, I'm pretty sure it would translate "I'll get you my pretty!  You and your stupid diaper changes too".

When does potty training start again?

7 comments:

Steve Surratt said...

I'm trying not to laugh too hard....I remember it well. I distinctly remember grabbing my kids legs around the ankles with my left hand and lifting up to restrain them and clean with the right. Occasionally I'd lift them nearly off the changing table to reduce their flailing. It felt like handling livestock :-)

Anonymous said...

Do you remember we used to have to change John standing up because we could get him to lie down on a changing table?
I experienced this with Cort last Wednesday and it sure wasn't pretty. I asked him if he was Houdini of the changing table and he smiled at me. I think he knows what he is doing.
lovemom

The Princess said...

When the Buddha Bear started doing that, I started changing him on the floor. It was just easier for me that way. I took the changing table down at Christmas because he received a kitchen and changing him in the crib was too low for me with a bad back. Thankfully we are at the stage of "Ok mommy, I will lay down, but the wrong way =)" which is easily correctable now.

Mere said...

this is hysterical...oh the wonderful things I have to look forward to. :-)

RunMonkeyMama said...

Yepers, T is exactly the same way. I tend to give him otherwise off-limits 'toys' (medicine bottles, nose suckers) to try and keep him compliant. Doesn't always work.

Anonymous said...

Isla just started this too! How long does this phase last?

-Cameron

Mysticiris said...

This made me laugh....I promise dear I am not laughing at you, but with you! May you go another day my friend with out sticking your hand in Poop....ugh at the thought!