Thursday, June 16, 2011

White Trash Pools 101

We got our little above ground pool set up a couple of weeks ago, just in time for the long heat wave.  Last year I called it a white trash pool, and my readers thought that was funny.  So this year I'm adding a few tips for you in case you want to create your own white trash pool.

The key to maximizing your white trash pool is to insist on wearing a life jacket even though it's only 3 feet deep - if that.  Also, get huge floaties that take up large amounts of pool space.

If these don't do it for you, and you really want to over-achieve, here are a few other ideas:
1.  Make sure your pool is in the front of your yard, as close to the road as possible.
2.  Place your pool up on cement blocks.
3.  If you don't have a floating beer cooler, you might try moving your fridge outside (preferably a pea green fridge from the 70s) and running extension cords across your yard to keep it going.  If your extension cords don't reach, you can still leave them out for decoration, and just fill your fridge with bags of ice (just $1 at McDonalds!) to keep things cold.
4.  Never mow around your pool.  You will want to enjoy whatever weeds or wildflowers might come up.
5.  Likewise, don't bother bringing your towels inside after you use them.  Just drape them over the weeds and they'll dry out for use again tomorrow.
6.  Build a ramp so your hound dogs can get into the pool.  You can use whatever is handy to build the ramp - old car parts, last year's Christmas tree, or your neighbor's fence that you've always hated.
7.  Place furniture strategically around the pool in case you get tired of swimming but still want to talk with your buddies.  Old couches are great, but you might also consider recliners and weight lifting benches as places that are nice for sitting.
8.  Christmas lights!  Run them all around the edges of the pool for night swimming.  But don't stop there!  Bring out your 5 foot light up Santa too!  After all, it's his summer vacation and he might as well get in a swim.  
9.  Pink flamingos.  As many as you can find.  At least a hundred.  'Nuff said.
10.  And finally.  Your biggest deer skull.  Mounted on a 10 foot pole, just next to the pool.

Now you're ready for some summer fun!

30 comments:

Steve Surratt said...

Don't forget the floating beer cooler has to be camouflage! Caint have yer neighbors stealin yer beer. A gun rack would be nice too BTW....

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Why do I think I might have seen this pool in a yard somewhere?

This is Lol fun! What a great morning read!

Sandy said...

I might have to git me one of em er pools! Sounds fancy!

;0)

Richard said...

Makes me wish i had a pool right about now. Richard from the Amish settlement of Lebanon,Pa

Home In The Hollow said...

When I drove by yesterday, I missed the "air drying" towels and deer skull. The Pres has an extra. Shall I drop it off????...:)JP

Texan said...

Ok you have obviously been by a place here, you have described it perfectly. I know just where it is...ROFL... well except you forgot the dozen or so broken down old cars and trucks half rusted! :O) .. snicker snicker

Chatty Crone said...

Well, I think your pool looks great and very inviting!

texwisgirl said...

greatness... the weight bench as seating was perfect! lots of visuals in this one! :)

Karen said...

Sadly, I have seen this with my very own eyes, with perhaps a little less ornamentation. :-)

We loved our little above ground pool, until it collapsed during a whirlpool exercise. Then the water in the basement made it less like love.

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

I just have one question -- how many of these descriptions are from your own pool? ;)

Laughing all the way through this post, Lisa. Priceless!

Samantha said...

You forgot about having beer/soda cans floating IN the pool as shiny decorations!

Loved this post!
Signed,
Your Sister In White Trash ;)

(Florida) Girl said...

Aw, look at his smile. You can't help but give him all the floaties he wants.

OneMommy said...

Love it! I agree, it needs to be as close to the road as possible. LOL. And definitely need floats!

Mary Jo said...

You can find the Pink Flamingos at the Dollar Tree! Only a buck each!!! At that price you can have a full flock!

singedwingangel said...

You completely forgot about nailing tobacco sticks together and putting up your worst fitted sheets to make a canopy for the pool..

Ginny said...

I am HOWLING with laughter!!! The cement blocks, the floating beer cooler, the wet towels!!! You MUST be related to Jeff Foxworthy! This is even funnier than his stuff!! I can't wait to show Phil when he gets home, he will love this. What a gift to be able to make everyone laugh so hard!! It's a good medicine.

Valerie said...

Oh my!
If that pool was here in my town, I'd have to add a couple of old wagon wheels some place, and the swimmers would have to wear cowboy hats-and maybe even boots too LOL!

An Irish Italian Blessing said...

Most Excellent Post! Now I know all the necessities to shop for when I get my above ground pool. Double up the christmas lights and cement blocks, I like to make a scene :)

Tiffany said...

You are too funny! Are you sporting any of those decorations or just getting ideas from the neighbors. haha!
Thanks for giving me a laugh today!

I might live in the woods too, but I keep the inflatable pool in the backyard. I don't need the neighbors borrowing my pool.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Bwahahah! This white trash pool sounds like it should be over hea' in my Redneck-o-the woods. ;)

Carolyn said...

Funny! As I started to read I thought about the beer float and you covered it in pt. 3 :)

Debbie @ Swampbilly Ranch said...

These pools are usually adorned by a couple of bathing beauties also. You know. Size 16 girls squeezed into, out of, and over the tops of size 6 bikinis.

Katie said...

Hound dogs in the pool...ah...yes...the perfect addition to any white trash swimming pool. Don't forget the mason jars sitting around for dude to spit his chew into. Don't want "tabaccer juice" to get in the pool water!

Shell said...

Oh, you are cracking me up!

Alicia@ eco friendly homemaking said...

This is so funny! Loveed reading this post!!

Marissa ♥ said...

Hahaha!!!

Good post! I think I may have seen a pool similar to what you've described! :)

Crow said...

Excellent advice, that I shall follow. ;-)

jennohara said...

HAHA! Too funny!! Your pool looks super inviting to me! :)

w said...

hahahaahahaha! oh man. hahaahahhahaah!

also. i can still laugh even though i'm not white, right?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

TOTALLY had that pool once! Patched up with duct tape.