Thursday, September 1, 2011

My Top 10 Dos and Donts of Airline Etiquette

I'm linking up with Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week for the first time, in response to her writing prompt The 10 Dos and Donts of Airline Etiquette.  Since I went to college in Texas but my parents lived in Northern Virginia, I spent several holidays traveling back and forth.  I had some super crazy experiences on flights, and these true life events have inspired my list.

Donts:
1.  As an adult, please be prepared to open your own food and feed yourself.  Please do not expect the complete stranger who is seated next to you to do this for you.
2.  Please do not reach over a passenger before the flight even takes off to pass off a barf bag and bulk package of peppermints to your daughter, while informing random passenger that she gets incredibly airsick every time she flies.  Because believe me, said passenger is going to insist on switching seats with you immediately, and you'll be stuck dealing with your daughter's airsickness yourself. 
3.  Please do not wear massive doses of perfume.  People who are prone to migraines will thank you.
4.  Please don't fall asleep on the random person sitting next to you.
5.  Please don't try to convert your seat mate to your religious cult.  Believe me, they are not interested in joining your cult in California, no matter how awesome you think it is.

Dos:
6.  Do bring duct tape, particularly if you have stuffed 70 pounds worth of gear for a two week trip to Costa Rica is a sub-par duffle bag.
7.  Do write letters of complaint to the airline that left you stranded in Milwaukee for 8 hours (because believe me, that airport has nothing to do and it will be the longest 8 hours of your life). 
8.  Do confiscate the passport and driver's license of your absent-minded husband so he doesn't realize he's lost them as you pull into the airport.
9.  Do put everything you need in a carry on, because you know if you check baggage at least twice in your life, one of those times it'll be lost.
10.  Do limit fluids and risk dehydration pre-flight.  Because seriously, folks, those airplane bathrooms can be pretty scary.  Use as last resort only!

You can read others' airline tips and such (or join in with your own) by clicking:

33 comments:

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I will use these tips when we fly at Thanksgiving..

Jill said...

Oh Lisa! Bless your heart for having had to endure these issues! Sure doesn't make me want to fly. ;)

Melodie said...

These almost sound comical...but they are real! I agree with them all but the one I most agree with it the airplane toilette! Stay away from it if you can!!!!

Amish Stories said...

To be honest i don't fly anymore, i just never felt comfortable being up in the sky 30,000 feet plus in the first place. I know driving is a lot slower and is supposed to be more dangerous. But with a car accident you have a chance in walking away if your lucky, in a plane those chances would be close to zero. Richard

Kim said...

Seriously, those bathrooms rank right up there with port-a-potties for me. I'm with you on the confiscating the husband's id. My husband loses his keys, wallet and cell at least once a day, and even though I know this about him, it never fails to frustrate me to no end.

Jen said...

Haha! Oh my gosh...these reasons are the reasons I hate to fly!!!
Great post :)

blueviolet said...

If the toilet flushes didn't try to suck everything from the room down with them, I'd be ok.

I'm not a fan of talkers next to me on the plane, and lately I've been getting a lot of those.

Samantha said...

Along with not wearing a ton of perfume..don't bring snacks that stink! 4 hrs of garlic cheddar crackers is enough to make anyone hostile.

Funny list!

Shell said...

Totally agree with the carryon! I swear, my luggage always gets lost!

Valerie said...

I'm with Kim on the airplane bathrooms-I have an absolute phobia about them!

One time a woman was rummaging around in her suitcase in the overhead bin-which was over my head, and I got showered with trail mix. I could have used some duct tape-on her. I would have taped her to her seat!

I don't enjoy flying all that much, but it's one of those necessary evils in life-because I do love Hawaii!

TexWisGirl said...

#3 and #9 rang the most true for me. :)

Desperate Housemommy said...

Really? Someone asked you to open their food for them? Also - I second the suggestion about elective dehydration. Airplane potties = Ew.

Ginny said...

Wild stuff going on in the air!!! I have never flown in my life and hope I never have to! They were giving helicopter rides around the county fair grounds, and I DID consider that, but that must have been a momentary lapse of reason, as the Pink Floyd album says!

warren said...

Duct tape should be required to keep folks upright in THEIR OWN SEATS as well!

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Your post was too funny and scary! I think I'll be grateful I don't fly much.

I'm glad you didn't run off with the cult! :)

Misty said...

GREAT tips... so true!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I'm always terrified I'll do #4.

Luisa Rodríguez said...

Risk dehydration pre-flight hahahaha
Loved it!

I hate flying.


mustbeliberating.blogspot.com

Tiffany said...

Don't forget to check your baggage after going through security check at said airport, and not the next one and realize an item is now in Kentucky and you are in Georgia. (This was my husband)

Great list!!

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

If I ever fly again (last time was pre-9/11, 2001,) I'll keep these in mind. Great list! :)

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Flying is not my idea of fun. I've done it --but choose not to if there is another choice. IF I were tiny, it may not bother me so much. But--being so close to a stranger is not anything I like.

Cute post....
Hugs,
Betsy

Nicole said...

I have never flown anywhere and now I am glad I haven't! lol
Great list though!

w said...

hahahah! those were awesome.

i haven't flown in 10+ years. and i'm pretty pleased about that.

Carolyn said...

Awesome list! I esp. like mention of the perfume one. In a confined space, too much perfume (or B.O.) makes me get a headache!

Jenny @ Practically Perfect... said...

Ha ha, loved reading this! I would add, "DO wear deodorant so that the person sitting next to you doesn't have to smell your B.O. the entire flight." I kid you not - one guy that I sat next to smelled absolutely awful. Ugh!

Susan Evans said...

I was just on 4 airplanes earlier this week, on my way back from the Bahamas. Your blog entry was very funny because I just experienced a lot of it!

Leontien said...

Hahaha!
Well I think you read my flying and airplane post so the only thing i can add is make sure that the police doesn't escort you out the plane when you land at your destination!

haha
Leontien

lisaslifechanges.com said...

Too cute! I'm all on board with the risking dehydration. I call it 'Camel Mode'.

Trisha said...

OMG!LOL on #1 !! I can't imagine what a flight that would have been:D

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I almost picked this prompt but glad I didn't because I couldn't have done it as well as this. :P Love it!

Laura Railing said...

Wow am I the only one who actually loves to fly?? Lol I love traveling, even with our 3 year old. Just bring good hand sanitizer with you if you're freaked out about germs.

Chatty Crone said...

Duct tape - you're right - it is a big MUST! sandie

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

I like the "do not fall asleep on the person next to you"...One always needs duct tape